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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Pain Will Always Be There

It already four months falling sick and somehow I don't see much improvement at all. All I can feel is that it is getting bad and the pain intensify. I don't tell people about it but it is really painful to even explain it.

A friend of mine said that it is all in my head, I think too much. I just keep quiet and smile to him. If he were in my shoes I think he would understand more. It is not something that I made out about. Why in the world I want to get leave for months and not working. I love my job very much. It is really sad to see and hear from my other friends how nice and fun their trip was. I missed all that excitement.

The doctors seem to treat me for something they could find out but most of the time she could not explain what is wrong with me. She just assumed that I had this sickness and giving me all sort of medicine hoping it will get better. If it does not work, she will change to a different kind of medicine and say "We see if this work on you". How much longer do I need to become a testing subject? I am seriously depress right now with my condition not getting better. Even the pain killer which supposed to help reduce the pain does not work anymore and I took three types of painkiller at a time for same thing.

My parents try to sort for traditional medicine and I don't believe this kind of stuff anymore. I feel that this people just trying to cheat people and take your money. If the thing they said were true, how come I did not get better? The good example was when they did all sort of thing to me and I told them I still feel the same then they give some other excuse. I was pissed at these kind of people and just left the place. That is why I don't believe in this sort of traditional medicine but still I need to see if it could work. I guess no more for me.

Right now, I would just lock myself in the my room and mostly do nothing. I am really depress and stress out about it. I mean you would be sad if you are in pain all the time. It is not fun at all. I can admit that sometime I would cry because of the pain is too bearable. I really can't take it anymore. I just wish I could get my life back on track and this sickness to go away forever. I just want my life again.

2 comments:

adorable ANUM said...

hey! be strong n think +ly k?
take k!

aidie said...

U still do dear! u still have ur life! it is just that god is testing u...now..be patient, be strong..keep on praying, never ever miss ur prayers...i will be praying for u all the time...